a season for finding
i know that the photos in the previous entry might not have shown much growth as far as my facial apperance.
but as i look at those photographs… i see much deeper within.
i know who i was at the time each photo was taken in my life.
i’ve been through a lot and have met many people in my journey through life so far.
i used to wish that i could have stayed on path in some instances.
but i recently realized that in order for me to have a stronger testimony, i went through all of it.
it was for a reason. it had a purpose. it was His will.
and it still is.
i found this in my things. it’s a good thing to repeat this prayer.
08.30.2005 10:48pm
I started to act like You don’t know my heart. That is a foolish thing to even attempt at this point in my life. Why is it so hard for me to be obedient? I act like the actions I take will do no harm. But they will. And they do. Sometimes I just want to give everything up. But… it’s so difficult. And sometimes I still try to do the things I am used to… forgetting that girl (referring to my old self) died a long time ago. Her ghost still haunts unfortunately. So, over the past few weeks I’ve realized a lot of things. About myself and relationships. Yes… again. I just want to know You so much. More… as the days pass. But right now I am making it hard on myself. Why can’t I just continually cleave to You? What’s so hard about trusting You to bless me? For obedience? Why do I keep trying to rely on myself? Why has it taken so long to get back to the way it’s supposed to be and what I promised? Well… not anymore. I will be who I am in Your will…. in Your eyes. And everything You meant for me. I promised.
I pray for all the family and friends I have left. I miss them all. I have given the unbelievers over to You. Do Your will so all may see Your glory. And as for the children of God… I pray You keep with them… for even the ones who sleep will have a place in heaven. Help as many as You can to find their way back as well. I am grateful for the ones that have.
I pray for all the sick people I know. Please help them get better, whatever ails them. All kinds of devastating news about the people I love burdens my heart. Please protect them.
Keep me so that I may be discerning and exhort the ones that seek. Help me to know and give me words of wisdom.
And I just pray that I will keep strong and press on in this battle between the spirit and the flesh for my soul. May the Holy Spirit guide me. May the Word be my strength and my mighty weapon. I want to be a WARRIOR. Amen.
and since this prayer:
i have found several people that i knew from my past who now know the Lord.
i have seen people healed and restored.
i have witnessed people rededicating their lives to serving God once more.
i have had many opportunities to share about my relationship with Jesus.
i have grown immensely and continue to do so in my faith.
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