i am awake. i am alive.

By: thelovelylo

Apr 22 2006

Category: Uncategorized

9 Comments

“I cried unto God with my voice, even unto God with my voice; and he gave ear unto me. In the day of my trouble I sought the Lord: my sore ran in the night, and ceased not: my soul refused to be comforted. I remembered God, and was troubled: I complained, and my spirit was overwhelmed. Selah. Thou holdest mine eyes waking: I am so troubled that I cannot speak. I have considered the days of old, the years of ancient times. I call to remembrance my song in the night: I commune with mine own heart: and my spirit made diligent search. Will the Lord cast off for ever? and will he be favourable no more? Is his mercy clean gone for ever? doth his promise fail for evermore. Hath God forgotten to be gracious? hath he in anger shut up his tender mercies? Selah. And I said, This is my infirmity: but I will remember the years of the right hand of the most High. I will remember the works of the LORD: surely I will remember thy wonders of old. I will meditate also of all thy work, and talk of thy doings.” -Psalm 77:1-12 (KJV)

“Only be thou strong and very courageous, that thou mayest observe to do according to all the law, which Moses my servant commanded thee: turn not from it to the right hand or to the left, that thou mayest prosper withersoever thou goest. This book of the law shall not depart out of thy mouth; but thou shalt meditate therein day and night, that thou mayest observe to do according to all that is written therein: for then thou shalt make thy way prosperous, and then thou shalt have good success. Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the LORD thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.” -Joshua 1:7-9 (KJV)

i am in the strangest and most difficult part of my life right now.
no one really knows what i am going through… only God.
i haven’t even told my father. and that is something to be said.
my earthly father is the only person in the world
that knows as much about me as any human on this earth could.

but i will remember from this day forward,
in the midst of what may seem
like a unmistakably significant plight,
i know and understand within my spirit
that God has heard my prayers,
that God knows my voice.
i am not afraid anymore.
i refuse to complain because it could be worse.
i am not worried.
i will not fear.

at the immense depth of my unspeakable suffering i truly am blessed.

my family loves me.
i have wonderful friends.
and God supports me.
He approves of the decisions i make.
but to tell you the truth,
it’s hard for Him not to…
since they are His decisions for me.

this fast from unnecessary internet sites
has been quite an experience for me.
i have grown so much.

i will praise Him more.
i will meditate on His Word.
i will pray for His people.
i will seek His face.
i will gain His inheritance.
i will present my life to Him.
and i will receive His reward.

“Thou art worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honour and power: for thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created.” -Revelation 4:11 (KJV)

-Y’shua Meshiach (Jesus Christ)
-my mother and father for being the only way they knew how to be.
-steven the compassionate … for letting me borrow his power adapter; he doesn’t even know how grateful i am for everything.
-michelle brown sugah … for being such an encouragement and unknowingly ministering to me.
-aaron the great … for being there for me even though he thinks it’s the other way around sometimes.
-jessica the sweetest … for being a ray of sunshine and loving and kind.
-adam the poker champ … for challenging me concerning what i believe and why.
-dena the beautiful … for blessing me with her words of wisdom that she seems to know to say when they are greatly needed.
-mike the thoughtful … for building up my spirit even though he thinks he’s bugging me.
-jonida the wise … for being a great example of diligence and showing me how to love the Word.
-tristan the talented … he is annointed with talent that simply proves there is a God.
-torri the valiant … for being a great example of character and a great boss with the same vision.
-dave the pastor … for being a great shepard without even knowing it.
-christie the adorable … seriously… she is “adore”able and such an unbelievable encouragement… i can’t wait to hug this girl.

and of course everyone for reading all of this and especially anyone who prays for me.
you are all beautiful and wonderful. and i am blessed to have you in my life.
i love you.

“A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.”

-Proverbs 17:17 (KJV)