i am awake. i am alive.

By: thelovelylo

Jan 03 2006

Category: Uncategorized

3 Comments

*sorry this is a long entry. you don’t have to read it.*

i have really hurt her.
she gets this way when she is really hurt.
cold.
heartless.
childish.

once again… my roomate has shown me a side i’d rather not see about her.

i’m not saying it’s not my fault.
but… the reaction i’m getting isn’t one without fault either.

when someone takes your stuff (dvds, cds and a very expensive sound system) for collateral because you owe them rent… which i will be getting in about half an hour… well… it kinda hits you right in the heart.

such compassion.
such care.
boy… i really feel like we have a true friendship in the sight of God going on right now.
ok… enough sarcasm.

especially when i would give the shirt off my back if it were the other way around.
i’m not saying i am perfect… of course i am not. but i give what i can.
when she needed something… i did my best to give her what i could.

but that’s ok.
i am glad i could help when i could.
like when she formatted her memory card accidently that contained her FIRST meeting with her father.
all images gone… vanished…
i would die if that happened to me.
i did all i could to help her get those images back.
and i got her some retrieval software.
i was glad that she salvaged what she could.
that’s what friends do.

oh well. it doesn’t matter.
all the other little things don’t matter either i guess.
don’t get me wrong… she has been giving too.
but i really am at my lowest.
and i know i have done wrong.
i know that there are important things that i am jeopardizing.
but i am doing what i can.
i have made stupid mistakes and am now facing the consequences.
and i am truly sorry.

but i guess i am glad that i could see this now.
it just shows me that God has my back.

i will be moving out by february. (jonida… you are amazing…)
i will have a job. (thank you, audri… you don’t know how much of a blessing you are…)
i will get back on my feet. (thank you d-awesome-ville… you guys are gold…)
i am loved. (thanks to family… the friends that tell me this in a million ways…you know who you are)

anyway… yeah.
i told her that she doesn’t get her money until my stuff is infront of me becuase she felt the need to take it 15 or more miles away.
and it better be in working condition.
i told her she had better remember how it was set up. she said no. that i could set it back up.
well… i could just pack it too.
i’m out.
february.
and at first i was really furious.
but now i feel ok.

thank you, Lord…