when…
i am trying to remember when i forgot how to communicate.
i have become so passive.
i don’t really know how to bring things up with people anymore.
i give up before i really even begin.
have i always been this way?
once i was accused of being passive aggressive by one of my teachers.
i mean… i guess everyone communicates differently.
of course.
so maybe i just don’t want to step on people’s toes.
i can be very direct, honest and blunt.
i watch what i say a lot. believe it or not.
well…
i don’t even know why i brought this up.
it doesn’t even really matter anymore i guess.
i feel like a freakin’ failure sometimes.
i feel like a lazy fool.
i feel like there are so many things i should be getting done.
but i am not focusing.
but not to worry.
i will get out of this phase somehow.
i am sleepy. i will go to bed now.
2 comments on “when…”
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You do realize that being “passive” in what you say is a good thing, don’t you? I think learning to control your tongue comes with maturity and wisedom…
or its possible that since you “use” to be able to communicate, and now you can’t like you use to… that God is ….attempting to teach you a lesson for something?… I wouldn’t know what’s specifically going on in your situation…. but I do know having a closer relationship with God causes mental confusion and frustration – because Satan tries to attack us spiritually. I think that he knows if we don’t have the hearts to turn completely from God, then he can at least keep us on the “baby” level of our spirituality by putting obstacles in our way each time we try to grow stronger and more powerful in the Lord… Example, I think that I have been on the same spiritual level for a year or so, because everytime I attempt to grow stronger – there is something on a spiritual level that sets me back, and I have not learned to overcome that obstacle yet… Sometimes it takes time.. at least for me…. I found a scripture that made me think about you.
Psalm 39 (New International Version)
1 I said, “I will watch my ways
and keep my tongue from sin;
I will put a muzzle on my mouth
as long as the wicked are in my presence.”
2 But when I was silent and still,
not even saying anything good,
my anguish increased.
3 My heart grew hot within me,
and as I meditated, the fire burned;
then I spoke with my tongue:
4 “Show me, O LORD, my life’s end
and the number of my days;
let me know how fleeting is my life.
5 You have made my days a mere handbreadth;
the span of my years is as nothing before you.
Each man’s life is but a breath.
Selah
6 Man is a mere phantom as he goes to and fro:
He bustles about, but only in vain;
he heaps up wealth, not knowing who will get it.
7 “But now, Lord, what do I look for?
My hope is in you.
8 Save me from all my transgressions;
do not make me the scorn of fools.
9 I was silent; I would not open my mouth,
for you are the one who has done this.
10 Remove your scourge from me;
I am overcome by the blow of your hand.
11 You rebuke and discipline men for their sin;
you consume their wealth like a moth—
each man is but a breath.
Selah
12 “Hear my prayer, O LORD,
listen to my cry for help;
be not deaf to my weeping.
For I dwell with you as an alien,
a stranger, as all my fathers were.
13 Look away from me, that I may rejoice again
before I depart and am no more.”
oh my GOD…
you are such a blessing in my life.
thanks for the exhortation.
i really needed it.
but He knew that.