i am awake. i am alive.

By: thelovelylo

Sep 23 2005

Category: Uncategorized

5 Comments

i just really wish i didn’t have feelings sometimes.
it’s all too much.

i mean… i can’t read peoples minds.
i can only assume right?
but i shouldn’t expect. that is when things go wrong.
but it’s in my nature to expect.
it’s so easy to forget that people don’t think like i do.

so, in this situation… what am i supposed to think?
i am tired of thinking already. i was tired before any of this happened.

i mean… i understand that this is supposed to be for my own protection.
and i realize that i need to learn to be patient.
i guess maybe God is trying to show me that in this whole situation.
but… i don’t like it. i don’t like sitting here and waiting for an explanation.
just waiting.
and i don’t like being put in a nervous state. i worry enough as it is.
i dunno.

ugh!!! i feel like i am being so eccentric about this.
but i know i am being a normal human being.
i need to just chill out.

and i am not going to be the one to bring it up this time.
i refuse to be that person. that girl.
i hate being that girl.

but… when will you be a man?

what the heck?
i mean, really…
(groan)

whatever.