i am awake. i am alive.

By: thelovelylo

Mar 09 2005

Category: Uncategorized

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yeah, so im hangin out at my friend ericas house right now.
its really freakin cool hangin out with her before i leave for hotlanta. she gives me the feeling like an old sweater would. comfy. i missed her so much and she has no idea. ive told her, but i really dont think she knows the half of it. especially because of what happened to me this weekend.

things have been quite trying lately. my weekend was freakin weird…
my ex-fiancee came back into town because his grandmother died. that proved to be very upsetting to me. not because of the death in the family, but because of what he said to me. he had a few drinks before i met up to hang out with him and he started telling me about how he was planning to move to ireland with his current girlfriend. hes been talking about it for a while now. he leaves in august. then he starts bringing up the past and all that crap i thought was over and done and that we were cool with it.

obviously not.

he started telling me how he hasnt loved anyone like he loved me since the whole “thing”. he couldnt even admit it for what it was. he cheated on me. i broke up with him. bottom line. i dont really blame him anymore because we were so far apart for such a long amount of time. out of our 2 yr 8 mo relationship we were in the same place for only a year and a half. he was in ny and i was here in pcola. man… it was almost 2 years ago that i ended it. i thought we were cool. anyway. yeah. he started freakin bringin up how he just didnt think he could know and love someone like that ever again cuz he hasnt since… all this FREAKIN CRAP. and hes about to move with that girl to ireland.

i just told him to be careful. yup. told him that it can either go well or go pretty awful and then hes stuck in another country. never move for anyone, thats what i always say. anyway. enuff with that bull.

i just wanted to believe that for once… just once… that things were ok with him. i guess one person out of a break-up never really gets over it. it just sucks cuz ironically it makes me feel like the jerk. like im just numb.

but that i can live with.